What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:36
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why were the Japanese soldiers in WW II so hesitant to surrender in battle?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why am I always so tired, no matter how much I sleep?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why do most people care so much about what others think? Are they afraid of society norms?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why does everyone hate Ed Sheeran so much?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He knew the spot.
Put me off passion for life!!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Pharmacy Mixes Up 9-Year-Old’s ADHD Medicine, Gives Him Opioid More Powerful Than Morphine - AOL.com
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I said to her
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why did i forgive my father ?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When she asked me how she looked .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
All the time i was locked up.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She found it foreign!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My life is so biszare .
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is soul school!.
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I waited trembling.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So whats the point in blame.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I could never make a relationship work though!
But it wasn’t much.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
She was in good health!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot live in the past .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She wouldn,t have been !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were not on the streets..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What did i know ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She married twice! .